Barely containable…

I’m going to share something somewhat personal with you.

I’m a rage monster. I have never been one to display a plethora of emotions. There are the occasional lucid moments where I decide that my emotions are a valuable part of me and they flow naturally, but most of the time I dam them up. I let the pressure build and build and build until it finally tears loose, flowing like the newly free water from a broken dam. It spreads whatever way it wants, not caring what it touches or what might be run over.

Now, before you take the image that accompanies this post seriously, I’ll add that I’m not violent except for for a punched wall or steering wheel. In fact, I don’t often raise my voice. How does this rage dispose of itself? It’s typically through wordy, unposted screeds that I write to myself. It also manifests in video games, especially Assassin’s Creed and Halo. Let’s just say that when I play Assassin’s Creed I usually try to only pick off the target of a particular mission. Some nights, no guards are safe and I just roam the streets looking for a fight.

The question I have to ask myself is why do I hold on to it that way? Why do I maintain this idea that my anger needs to be contained this way? I don’t want my anger to cause me to sin. Ephesians 4:26 says, “‘Be angry, and do not sin’: do not let the sun go down on your wrath.” Do you see my problem though? In attempting to obey the first part of the verse, I neglect the second part.

Don’t misunderstand this. Anger is acceptable. As we are made in the image of God, and God can be angry, we also can have anger. The verse doesn’t say that we shouldn’t be angry, it says “Be angry, and do not sin”. Our anger should not manifest itself as sin. We shouldn’t draw enjoyment, or even delight in our anger.

The second part that I have trouble with is the part about not letting the sun go down on my wrath. I hold on to it for too long. The point of this verse is that we should only have anger for a season, and not let it become what defines us. Like the flame of a match, our anger should burn brightly, run its course, and then disappear. A match won’t miraculously burn brighter unless something else provides fuel to it. Left to itself, the match will burn out and become harmless. Our anger will do the same if we don’t continually fuel it.

So, what lesson do I want you to come away with here? Anger is part of us and will occur. When we experience anger we can’t let the passion of the moment overtake us, but it needs to be released. Once that anger has run its course it has to be let go, else it becomes the theme of our life. I pray that in the future I can hold on to this verse and not let my anger simmer beneath the surface for too long.

Sigh. Something else for me to work on. Let me know if I can pray with you about this as well. I’m positive that I’m not alone in this.